What Are the First Steps to Discover My Core Values?

Introduction

Understanding your core values is one of the most powerful exercises in self-discovery. Your values serve as your internal compass, guiding your decisions, relationships, career choices, and personal growth. When you live in alignment with your core values, you experience greater fulfillment, clarity, and confidence.

But many people struggle to identify exactly what their values are. In this post, we’ll walk through the first steps to discover your core values, giving you a clear, actionable process to uncover what truly matters most to you.

Why Core Values Matter

Before we dive into the process, let’s quickly explore why defining your core values is so important:

• Decision-Making: Simplifies tough choices by providing a personal framework.
• Authenticity: Helps you live a life true to who you are.
• Confidence: Builds self-assurance by clarifying your priorities.
• Relationships: Helps you attract people who share your principles.
• Life Satisfaction: Increases happiness and purpose by aligning actions with beliefs.

Quick Fact: Research shows that people who regularly reflect on their values experience lower stress and greater psychological well-being.

Step 1: Reflect on Peak Experiences

One of the best ways to uncover your values is to analyze your most meaningful life experiences.

Ask Yourself:

• What moments in life made me feel most proud?
• When did I feel truly fulfilled?
• What accomplishments am I most proud of?
• When did I feel most aligned with who I want to be?

Example:
If you felt deeply proud after volunteering at a shelter, you might value compassion, service, or community.

Step 2: Explore Moments of Deep Frustration

Negative emotions often reveal our values just as much as positive ones.

Ask Yourself:

• What situations consistently frustrate or anger me?
• What behaviors from others deeply bother me?
• When have I felt disrespected or violated?

Example:
If you’re irritated by dishonesty, integrity might be one of your core values.

Step 3: Identify Role Models

Think about people you admire — mentors, public figures, friends, or even fictional characters.

Ask Yourself:

• Who do I respect most?
• What qualities do they embody?
• Why do I look up to them?

Example:
If you admire someone for their courage in standing up for others, bravery, justice, or leadership may be key values for you.

Step 4: Make a List of Potential Values

Based on your reflections, start compiling a list of words that resonate with you.

Sample Core Values List:

• Honesty
• Creativity
• Freedom
• Family
• Security
• Growth
• Adventure
• Generosity
• Wisdom
• Respect
• Health
• Curiosity
• Kindness
• Achievement

Tip: Don’t overthink this step — write down any value that feels meaningful. You’ll refine it later.

Step 5: Narrow Down to Your Top 5–10 Values

It’s important to focus on your core values — the few that truly define your priorities.

How to narrow your list:

• Group similar values (e.g., honesty and integrity).
• Ask yourself: “If I had to choose between these, which one feels more essential?”
• Focus on values that guide your decisions every day, not just occasionally.

Example:
You may find that freedom, integrity, creativity, family, and growth are your top 5.

Step 6: Define What Each Value Means to You

Words can mean different things to different people. Define your chosen values in your own terms.

Example Definitions:

• Freedom: The ability to pursue my goals without unnecessary restrictions.
• Integrity: Always being honest and doing the right thing, even when it’s hard.
• Growth: Constantly learning, evolving, and improving myself.

Why this matters: Clear definitions help you apply your values consistently in real-life situations.

Step 7: Test Your Values Against Real Life

Once you’ve identified your core values, reflect on how well they align with your current lifestyle.

Ask Yourself:

• Am I living in alignment with these values?
• Where am I compromising or neglecting a value?
• What changes could bring my life more in line with my values?

Example:
If health is a core value but you rarely exercise, that may highlight an area for adjustment.

Step 8: Revisit and Refine Regularly

Your values may evolve as you grow and experience new things. Schedule periodic check-ins:

• Annually during personal goal-setting
• After major life transitions (career change, marriage, becoming a parent)
• When facing ongoing frustration or dissatisfaction

Pro Tip: Journaling and mindfulness can help you stay aware of whether you’re honoring your core values.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

• Choosing values you “should” have: Focus on what truly matters to you, not what others expect.
• Selecting too many: Stick to 5–10 core values to stay focused.
• Confusing goals with values: A goal is something you achieve; a value is a principle that guides you.
• Assuming values never change: Life experiences can shift your priorities over time.

Conclusion

Discovering your core values is a foundational step toward living a more intentional, fulfilling life. By reflecting on your peak experiences, frustrations, role models, and personal priorities, you can uncover the principles that matter most.

When you know your values, you know yourself.
“Values aren’t just what we say; they are what we live.”